How to Manage Overwhelm
Life is really busy.
I don't know about you, but as we moved out of summer and into fall this year, life has been feeling reallllly busy.
It seems like pretty much everyone I know has been feeling overwhelmed with just how much there is going on these days.
In my brain's endless search for the answer to "why", I've landed on the theory that this level of busyness is maybe how life felt all of the time before COVID shut the world down, but we were all just so desensitized to it that we didn't realize it or recognize how it was impacting is. And now we as we return to this level of busyness with a new reference point, we're (or at least I am) realizing just how busy life actually can be, and how much my body and mind would prefer a little bit more slowness and space.
So you want to slow down, but it’s going to take some time…
Whether the things keeping you busy are things you chose or not, it's unlikely that many of us are able to just decide to be less busy and implement changes to make that happen immediately. So if you are like me and are realizing you'd like to be less busy but it's going to take you a few weeks/months to allow change to occur, perhaps you'll benefit from this stress management coping mechanism concept I've been teaching my patients about:
Spontaneity without structure is just stress.
(Read that last line again, and let it really land in your body. What comes up for you when you think about spontaneity, and about structure? These can be activating concepts for some folks.)
We can mitigate stress by creating safety.
Our nervous systems are in charge of everything that happens in our bodies and minds, so if we have any chance of handling the busyness, managing the overwhelm and regulating our stress, we have to get our nervous systems on board.
How do we do that? We let our nervous systems know we are safe, by giving them some predictability and structure.
Here's the thing: the almost exclusive driver for our nervous systems is safety, or the lack thereof.
Safety comes in many forms in our bodies and minds, for example:
physical & physiologic safety: a safe place to sleep and the ability to get adequate rest, adequate food and specific nutrients, regulated internal homeostatic measures (blood pressure, body temperature, etc.), minimal pain, etc.
mental & emotional safety: comfort, familiarity, space to process our experiences and feel our feelings, connection, support
When our days are chaotic and/or very full, lacking in predictability, and lacking the space to process or feel whatever we're feeling, our brains perceive that as stress and shift us further into a fight or flight (sympathetic) state - aka the "power through/get stuff done/just make it til the end of the year" state. This state is super productive and effective at helping us get stuff done temporarily, but if it remains in control for too long it causes problems - anxiety, depression, overwhelm, poor sleep, fatigue, digestive issues, dysregulated hormones, etc.
Spontaneity without structure is just stress.
According to our nervous systems, familiarity = safety.
Since our nervous systems are so oriented to safety we can implement some simple behavioural routines that will start to feel familiar and provide some gentle structure to our days, and will then start to let the brain know that even though things are chaotic, we are safe.
By creating some simple structure in our days and doing the best we can to be consistent with that structure from day to day, we start to give our nervous systems the message that things are going as expected, that we don't always need to be in panic/power through mode, and that there are times in our days when it is safe to relax.
Book-end safety into your days.
Here are my two favourite ways to create some structural safety in your days, that can be added to your emotional regulation/stress management toolbox:
Bedtime Routine:
Why: Implementing a bedtime routine starts to train your brain to know when it's safe to allow the mind to wind down and prepare for sleep, it helps us better physiologically navigate the changing light in our external environment (ie: helps us anchor sleep to behaviours instead of the sunset), and as a bonus, it gives you something to do before bed other than be staring at a screen.
How: Aim for a consistent bedtime ideally by 11pm. Pick 3-4 easy, relaxing pre-bed activities that you can do in preparation for bedtime, every night in the same order, eg: brush teeth, skincare, bath, sleepytime tea, gentle stretches, read a book/listen to an audiobook, etc., then lights out. Start them 30-60 minutes before bedtime, and avoid screens during this time. Bonus: make your room dark, cool, quiet, calm, eg: ear plugs, eye mask, black-out blinds, etc.
Pro tip: Set an alarm to cue you to begin your bedtime routine. As you start to become consistent with this routine, you might notice that you don't need to be tired to start your bedtime routine, because you will be by the time it's complete.
Morning walk:
Why: Implementing a morning walk allows your brain to gently wake up and arrive in your day without being immediately forced into "doing/thinking/managing" mode, which will enable you to begin your day with a lower level of stress and cortisol. Additionally, by walking without intentional distractions like music or a podcast, you are giving yourself some much-needed mental space to process your recent experiences and notice how you are feeling. (And noticing is the requisite first step if you want anything to change.)
How: Go for a 15-30 minute walk outside, ideally as soon as possible upon waking and ideally before 9am, even if it's raining. Ensure you get adequate sunlight exposure by not wearing sunglasses, and give yourself mind-wandering time and time to process and notice how you're feeling by avoiding intentional distractions like podcasts and music.
Pro tip: Any time you are trying to implement a new habit, focus on "standardizing, then optimizing". In other words - drop your expectations of perfection and just go for a walk every morning, even if it's only for 5 minutes, or even if it's not til 11am. Once it's become habitual (ie: you aren't having to "make yourself" go for a walk), then start focusing on optimizing it.
By combining these two activities you can create "book-ends" for your days, thus letting your nervous system know that whatever happens in the middle is okay because it's book-ended by predictable, safe activities. When you become relatively consistent with these behaviours they can have a big impact on the quality of your sleep and how able you are to regulate your stress and overwhelm throughout the day.
(And as with pretty much everything I recommend, remember that you don't need to be perfect in order for it to work. If you want to give these behaviours a try, aim to do them every single day, and give yourself a full-sized checkmark if you hit them 75-80% of the time. You're a human, not a robot, so let's leave space for that.)
What are your priorities?
If it feels good for you, take some of your newfound moments of mental space to consider what would really feel good for you and your body and mind, in terms of your level of busyness. Are there things you are saying yes to that you'd really like to say no to? Are your expectations for yourself realistic? Are you making decisions in alignment with your priorities?
You don’t have to do it alone.
Want some help strengthening your stress management skills or building a holistic treatment plan to improve your mental health?
I am accepting patients both in-person at my clinic in downtown Vancouver and virtually (for anyone in British Columbia).
Book yourself in for a 15-minute complimentary consult to ask any questions and see if we'd be a good fit. You don't have to do this alone.
Book in now, or contact me to get in touch.